Daily Affection Routines: Ways to Show Love to Family Every Day
Affection is vitally important to every human being. Build Daily Affection Routines into your family’s everyday life to nurture their well-being and better your relationships. This list of ways to show love to family every day can help you along!
HOW CAN FAMILIES SHOW AFFECTION TO EACH OTHER EVERY DAY?
It’s often the simplest steps that can make the biggest differences in our relationships. We change something small, and it turns out to have significant impact on relational health and connection.
The popular adage “Familiarity breeds contempt” is only partially true, if you’re considering that you probably live in close contact with your loved ones. (I don’t think any of us would say that we hold our families and friends in contempt.)
But it is true that we (at least sometimes) take our loved ones for granted. Those within our own house we see daily. And–unfortunately–we might have stopped studying them and thinking about who they are and what they like.
I’m on a journey this year to more intentionally show affection to my family every day. I don’t want to just leave it up to happenstance. And I don’t want my family to feel like I am giving them my second-best.
Are you with me? I’m guessing that you are reading this post because you’re already there.
I want to share with you today a few important lessons I’m learning (and currently trying to apply) about ways to show love to family every day. My hope is that it inspires you with ideas, too.
(For more support and encouragement on this year-long journey, check out the Life-Giving Home Challenge. More on that in my post “How to Make a Home as an Expat Living Overseas.”)
HOW TO MAKE AN AFFECTIONATE HOME ENVIRONMENT
There are many well-known ways to show affection–from Gary Smalley’s Five Love Languages to random acts of kindness to saying “I love you.”
It’s daily habits–rather than only big moments–that have the power to consistently show faithful love and constancy to our families. Building an affectionate home environment is all wrapped up in routinely demonstrated love within the home.
As Sally Clarkson so aptly writes:
Familiar rhythms and routines give structure that provides leadership and personal care to all who live there. When children and guests know what to expect, they also know how to ask for their personal needs to be met and understand what part they play in the life of the home.”
(The Life-Giving Home, 65)
So let’s dive into ways to show love to family every day through daily affection routines that we can build into our lives together.
1. PAY ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS
It’s really easy to see the glaringly obvious. It takes more effort and attention to notice small details.
What annoys your loved ones? What makes their days bright? See if you can do special small things that you know lighten their load and make them feel “seen.”
When someone notices my favorite color or that I wear earrings nearly every day, I feel so loved. It’s not a matter of espionage but, rather, of caring about someone’s likes, dislikes, and needs enough to pay attention.
Once you notice the details, take action on them. Give a gift, avoid annoying habits, etc.
2. BUILD HABITS AND REMINDERS INTO YOUR DAY
Natural reminders throughout our day are powerful ways to build new habits, as James Clear writes in his book Atomic Habits. When we invest ourselves in expressing affection at specific times during the day, our relationships reap great benefits.
In her book The Life-Giving Home, Sally Clarkson describes some daily routines that she has established to nurture her family. Among those routines, she includes morning- and night-specific habits.
I will summarize here what Clarkson writes in this part of her book:
DAILY AFFECTION ROUTINES: GOOD MORNING ROUTINE
When her family members wake, Clarkson makes an effort to greet them enthusiastically. She does her best to start the day on a joyful foot.
DAILY AFFECTION ROUTINES: BEDTIME NIGHT ROUTINE
According to Clarkson, bedtime routines are nearly magic. Night is the time when family members often open up to talk, and spending extra time just cuddling and conversing is a way to invest so much in these relationships.
Sally Clarkson writes,
“Blessing children each night before they go to bed gives them the gift of a peaceful, restful, loved heart. No matter what a day has held–fussing, conflict, excitement, drudgery, joy, celebration, hard work–it’s a way of ending the day well. A bedtime blessing ties all those loose ends together with unconditional love and helps put to rest all the burdens of the day by placing them into the hands of God.”
(The Life-Giving Home, 78)
3. BE PRESENT
In our modern digital age, it’s easy to tune in to a sports event via livestream. But don’t discount the power of actually being physically present for special events. The extra effort and time that you take to be with your loved ones speaks loudly of your commitment and affection.
4. LISTEN INTENTLY (AND WITH YOUR WHOLE BODY)
Body language is powerful in showing affection.
The way that we listen is extremely important in letting someone know that they are heard. We can actually listen with our whole body.
How do you listen with your whole body?
Picture this:
- You stop your current busyness,
- turn your body toward the speaker,
- tilt your head slightly to the side,
- nod in acknowledgment,
- and make eye contact.
It’s powerful. And your loved one knows that you hear them.
This is one of my biggest areas needing improvement this year. As anyone in my family can tell you, I get very absorbed in whatever work I am currently doing and have the “superpower” of tuning out my surroundings far too well. When someone speaks to me, I might give a nod of acknowledgment, not even looking up at them because I just “have to” finish my task.
I want to trade this characteristic for becoming a better listener this year. Are you with me?
It’s true that I cannot always listen intently. When it’s necessary for me to finish a task, I want to get into the habit of asking people to wait a moment to talk so that I can give them my full attention because what they say matters.
5. USE PHYSICAL TOUCH
The prevalence and manner of physical touch varies widely according to culture. However, it is important everywhere in the world.
Some studies show a link between relationship satisfaction and non-sexual physical touch. We can make our relationships more secure and intimate by simply being physically affectionate with our loved ones.
Try giving a hug, holding a loved one’s face in your hands while speaking with him/her, rubbing on the back, cuddling, holding hands, or touching the forearm while speaking.
I love Brazilian culture for its displays of affection. Physical affection is so important that entire words for it exist in Portuguese that are not even translatable into English (for example, cafune, which literally means “running your fingers through someone’s hair”).
6. GIVE NEED-SPECIFIC GIFTS
When you take note of details about your loved ones, you often have better ideas for gifts to give to them. Find presents specific to your loved one’s needs and let them know that you noticed them.
7. GREET LOVED ONES WARMLY AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY
Our greetings have power to set the tone for our interactions. When we greet loved ones less-than-enthusiastically, they know we are just itching for them to leave. But when we meet them with a warm greeting, they feel welcomed and loved.
I want to get into a rhythm of greeting everyone in my life with affection and warmth. It’s a simple way of making someone’s day all the happier.
8. TELL LOVED ONES WHAT YOU APPRECIATE ABOUT THEM (WITH DETAILS!)
You could call these compliments. But you should go deeper than simply saying “You’re great at this!” Tell them what you notice and why it is important to you. For example, “Johnny, I like watching you play baseball. I noticed that you suck your lip in like this and scrunch up your nose. You are so concentrated. I love seeing you enjoy this sport and put all your effort into it.” Put thought into your words and show that you truly appreciate your loved one’s for all their quirks and qualities.
9. SHARE MEALS TOGETHER ON A REGULAR BASIS
Something wonderful happens when people gather around a table. In all cultures throughout time, meals have been the centerpiece for forming alliances, building new relationships, hashing out business deals, and resolving countless other relationship-centered matters.
Place a high priority on eating with your loved ones. Go to the extra effort of making the table inviting and conducive to conversation.
How do you nurture relationships around the dinner table?
- Put away all cell phones and electronics.
- Turn off the TV.
- Prepare conversation questions. (There are so many helpful resources out there for this, including these topic cards.)
- Make the atmosphere inviting. Turn on soft music and soft lighting. Use a table centerpiece and/or a tablecloth to add beauty.
- Listen with your whole body.
- Mark out time for the meal. Don’t eat and then rush off.
10. SPEND TIME PURSUING HOBBIES TOGETHER
Some of the best conversations take place while we are doing activities side-by-side with those we love. We find new fodder for conversation, as well as more intimacy in knowing each other better.
Hobbies also give us a connecting point that we might not otherwise have. Sometimes, loved ones are as different from us as the sun is from the moon. But when we pursue an interest (even if it isn’t one we hold in common), we show that we truly want to spend time together and understand each other’s world.
11. READ TOGETHER
If you grew up with a mom or dad who read to you, you know the power of the written word to draw people close together. Teachers recognize the benefits of reading aloud for nurturing classroom community and generating discussion. Those benefits are similar within the family and among friends.
Reading aloud together can easily meet all the five love languages: 1) quality time spent together, 2) physical touch through sitting in close proximity, 3) the gift of a book, 4) serving one another by reading texts we each appreciate, and 5) words of affirmation that come throughout discussion and appreciating each other’s thoughts.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Affection is so important to our relational and emotional well-being. Even small steps that we take to prioritize it can yield amazing benefits for our loved ones.
This year, I want to focus on nurturing my family through simple displays of love and attention. Follow along with me on Instagram (@myhome.yourhome.ourhome) to see how this focus goes and to encourage one another along the way.
Head over to my friend Julie’s blog (Capturing Wonderland) for a wonderful post about Building Lifelong Relationships (plus, some beautiful free printable memory verse cards!).
And then check out Lana’s blog (Girl, Teach Me) to learn all about 5 Ways to Create a Culture of Love in Our Homes.
And don’t forget to check out the Life-Giving Home Challenge group for even more support, ideas, and encouragement, as well as more from the home-genius Sally Clarkson!
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Great read! I have to say I have definitely determined the same thing for my family this year. I used to be so good at it and then you find yourself a bit taken in my life and kind of forget. It’s good to resolve anew to show love daily.
Such a wonderful post. As a stay at home mom I have found that even the simple act of greeting my husband with a hug and a smile when he comes home can make a huge difference. Its amazing how its in the little things, but they really add up in the end.
YES!!! Isn’t it amazing what a greeting can do?! Love your point to greet your husband well when he comes home. <3
These are great habits, thanks for sharing. I love that evening time can be a special bonding time I want to make more space for that with my kids, thanks for that reminder.